Sunday, May 3, 2009

Leading a Laughing Jackass to Slaughter in 24 easy steps

(an internet story of intrigue)

the following is an example of an 'internet social networking' correspondence, the genre with which i have developed a keen love/hate relationship over the years. the unwitting and unsuspecting approach me with tedious conversation skills and if i happen to be just bored enough, i'll start a little game i like to call "cherry pickin' time". sure, i'm only picking the low lying fruit, but sometimes, a special someone just begs to be picked over. in this example, our young volunteer, Manny, is thinking 'mate' at step 5 yet i'm thinking 'check mate' at step 4.

1. Manny D:
I bet you is a bad ass mofok.hehe

2. badass mo faux:
i do my best, dammit!

3. Manny D:
Atta girl!!!!! Your what makes us men try harder. Lol

4. badass mo faux: damn straight :-) -- so, let's see how you try

5. Manny D:
I dont know lady, I'm like a ninja, You wont even notice me and them bamn!!!!!! You'll be wondering how I did that.

6. badass mo faux: dear god, i hope it isn't that quick -- that would be like having sex with 'flash' the super hero -- over before it began.


7. Manny D: Lol!!!! ummm no. Lol Kinda came out wrong. hehe now you got me tryin to see how you assn your pets. I've never been the pet. Always the master.

8. badass mo faux:
well then, turn about would be fair play, wouldn't it?

9. Manny D:
hmmm, I would think so. But its hard to teach a dog new tricks. I'm a stubborn Dawg. hehe

10. badass mo faux:
that's ok, i'm a cowgirl all growed up, i have ways of making dogs and livestock perform feats that they are most unwilling to do

11. Manny D:
Really? that would be somnt. I always have the leash with a good grip and very close by. I would love to see how well you handle your pets.

12. badass mo faux:
i've been known to hog tie ornery individuals and leave them. sure, i coulda done a lot worse, like back on the ranch, but that was purty good fun.

13. Manny D:
nice, I've been known to tie up and blind fold individuals, but I never leave them. I use them up and play with their emotions b4 I release mine. It's always fun with me. Lol I'm due.

14. badass mo faux:
why exactly are you telling me this?

15. Manny D:
why not. You seem to be cool and have some stories yourself. I just happen to be lucky and get to chat chit with you tonight.

16. yohofaux & a bottle o'rum:
ahhhh -- but what i didn't tell you is that back at the ranch, when we tied up the bull calfs we cut off their testes and threw them to the dogs. (notice the name change? manny didn't)

17. Manny D: Lmao!!! yeah, Lol you did leave that part out. Your a Savage.

18. yohofaux & a bottle o'rum:
damn right -- and let me tell you, bull calves are a hell of a lot stronger than human beings

19. Manny D: true, but humans are a lot of a hell better. hehe

20. yohofaux & a bottle o'rum:
i think steak tastes a hell of a lot better

21. Manny D: depends on what your in the mood for. or how bad you want it. great sex is a delekesi. Lol

22. yohofaux & a bottle o'rum:
i reckon

23. Manny D: so how bout I go over yonder one dezz days and see for myself how bad ass of a wrangler you are. Lol

24. yohofaux & a bottle o'rum: there were always mixed feelings as i held the 38 to their soft lil heads -- sure, they'd drop in an instant, there would be blood and gore, and always the dogs to clean up the mess . . . .but then. . . . . there would be steak

honestly, i don't think you can handle me

and so, young Manny slunk back into the night, never to be heard from again. my dogs don't tell tales, but i just might.

submitted for your approval,
faux q. public