Friday, July 11, 2008

My Personal Peeve

couldn't call it a 'pet' peeve exactly. 'cause most pets i know have more sense. i'm speaking of this latest worthless car accessory to have caught my eye while i should be concentrating on traffic. that blight of SUV's across the country -- family decal representations (FDRs).


(just an aside -- since when was it necessary to accessorize one's car??? i remember in '69 my folks bought a copper lincoln continental with suicide doors. Photobucketthen they went out and found a nifty little waste receptacle to drape over the drive shaft hump and it was smartly anchored with little upholstered sandbags. now, apparently you just aren't in with the in crowd unless you have wheels which spin backwards on the inside of the real deal wheels. call me not hip, man, but i just don't get it)

Photobucketthe thing that is currently bugging me is the industry that has cropped up for all of the yahoos who missed the 'baby on board' craze. these folks (as their ancestors before them) must advertise the size of their family (including pets) down to approximate ages and genders with a veritible plethora of FDRs. if they're willing to spring for a lil extra, maybe some sports/activity type decals to go along with the rest of the decal family. Photobucketi'll not be able to participate in that, for many reasons, but (and here's the sticky wicket) there is no decal for 'nose picker'. although it looks as if this company may be able to er, uh, pull something our of their hats.

i was always convinced that the 'baby on board' crowd thought we should all drive more safely upon seeing that sign (as if we were not already doing so). what an insane imaginary baby bubble that is! if their cars were not so polluted with worthless viewing material, perhaps safer driving would actually be encouraged!

but i must say this sticker thing bugs me even more. i can see how if the family expands so can their FDRs. they can buy more decals for marriages or births (but none that signify weight gain, i notice, if one's family expands in that dimension). how exactly should the decal for 'junior is becoming a baby daddy of a crack baby' decal look like???? and then of course, we'll need the accompanying 'crack baby on board' sign.

what pray tell should be done in times of loss??? does one just peel off the sticker, leaving a noticeable gap? the red circle/slash (international NO symbol) seems a little clinical and X's on eyes veer into the comical. perhaps halos, crosses, and a choir of cherubs serenading the dearly departed would work? it would certainly help to stimulate the economy, which i know our president (rather, his marionettes) would find satisfactory.

Photobucketi don't even give into my perverse friend's suggestion as to how she likes to imagine the (pick one: ford or chevy) decal with upon which our cartoon friend calvin pees on s alongside cross decals being worshipped by yet none other than our boy calvin. she would like to cut out the middleman (oh, do the math, and you'll know what calvin will be watering -- yes, grave sites)

next up will be how this phenomena correlates to the purchase of cows and a local strip joint (yes it is a long story).

submitted for your approval by your piss ant pal,



  1. I guess that makes me the perverse friend who suggested . . . well, you know. I did the math and came up a zero.

    So glad to see you writing again! I need the laughs -- keep going, Faux Schizzle!

    -- Laurie @ Foolery a.k.a. Swami Deffest

  2. I hear you Faux. I don't care to put stickers on cars. I don't have any at the moment. Know what I don't like? When the car dealer sticks his name on the back of the car. Who wants it? Who wants a new car with Ernie Frankleburger Ford welded across the back? It's my car, not Frankelburgers.
    Alias Liz Jones

  3. Nothing to say Faux. Just checking in to see if any more excellent tales have been logged.
    So, this comment is just a pointless waste, so I'll just say hello.

  4. Dear Faux, I had hoped to find you here. It has been brought to my attention that it is a special day for you. I really didn't know where to go to seek you out. I didn't want to draw attention in front of the whole world. The entire www seemed pretty slow today, as it sometimes is on Monday. Plus the economy being what is is. So I'll say it here.
    Have a Very Very Happy Anniversary,
    Alias Liz